Quote

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Leaves
Song
Blow
Sing
Away
Spring
Find
Cause
Like
Humor
Called
Raking
Causes
Girlfriend

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright