Quote

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Causes
Girlfriend
Funny
Leaves
Song
Blow
Away
Sing
Find
Spring
Like
Cause
Humor
Called
Raking

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright