Quote

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Away
Sing
Find
Spring
Like
Cause
Humor
Called
Raking
Causes
Girlfriend
Funny
Leaves
Song
Blow

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
Image
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
Image
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
Image
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
Image
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
Image
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
Image
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
Image
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Image
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
Image
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
Image
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
Image
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Image
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
Image
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Image
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Image
I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright