Quote

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Song
Blow
Away
Sing
Find
Spring
Like
Cause
Humor
Called
Raking
Causes
Girlfriend
Funny
Leaves

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright