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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Years
Yesterday
Humor
Four

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright