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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Like
Drowning
Edge
Edges
Close
Humor
Water
Funny
Live

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright