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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Spend
Humor
Pretty
Funny
Good
Would
Time
Limbo
Practicing

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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