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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Would
Time
Limbo
Practicing
Spend
Humor
Pretty
Funny
Good

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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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