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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Good
Would
Time
Limbo
Practicing
Spend
Humor
Pretty
Funny

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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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