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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pretty
Funny
Good
Would
Time
Limbo
Practicing
Spend
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright