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I took a baby shower.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Shower
Showers
Took
Baby
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
Steven Wright
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright