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I took a baby shower.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Shower
Showers
Took
Baby
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright