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I washed mud off of mud.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Washed
Mud

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright