Quote

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Years
Team
Figured
Year
Showed
Games
Grandfather
Funny
Instant
Tell
Gonna
Touchdown
Another
Watching
Touchdowns
Thought
Humor
Replay
Better
Game
Scored

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Image
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
Image
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
Image
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
Image
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
Image
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Image
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
Image
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Image
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
Image
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
Image
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Image
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
Image
If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
Steven Wright
Image
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
Image
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Image
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Image
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
Image
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
Image
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright