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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Round
Night
Rounds
Trying
Bored
Curved
Passing
Kinda
Tired
Painted
Humor
Roads
Went
Infinity
Lines
Passings
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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