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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Night
Rounds
Trying
Bored
Curved
Passing
Kinda
Tired
Painted
Humor
Roads
Went
Infinity
Lines
Passings
Funny
Round
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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