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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Roads
Went
Infinity
Lines
Passings
Funny
Round
Night
Rounds
Trying
Bored
Curved
Passing
Kinda
Tired
Painted
More quotes by Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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