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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Really
Tinsel
Snakes
Mirrors
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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