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It's a fine night to have an evening.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Fine
Funny
Night
Evening

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright