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It's a fine night to have an evening.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Fine
Funny
Night
Evening

More quotes by Steven Wright

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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
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I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright