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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
People
Lakes
Notice
Complained
Couldn
Tent
Humor
Camping
Mistake
Tents
Went
Lake
Funny
Circus
Didn
Borrowed
More quotes by Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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