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I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Coat
Coats
Humor
Funny
Hangers

More quotes by Steven Wright

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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright