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I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hangers
Coat
Coats
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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