Quote

I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Coat
Coats
Humor
Funny
Hangers

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
Image
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
Image
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Image
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
Image
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
Image
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
Image
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Image
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Image
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Steven Wright
Image
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
Image
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Steven Wright
Image
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
Steven Wright
Image
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
Image
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
Image
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
Image
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Image
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Image
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright