Quote

I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hangers
Coat
Coats
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
Image
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
Image
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
Image
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
Image
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
Steven Wright
Image
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
Image
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
Image
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Image
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Image
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
Image
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
Image
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
Image
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
Image
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Image
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
Image
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright