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I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Hangers
Coat
Coats
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
Steven Wright
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright