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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Millions
Funny
Rented
Ticket
Give
Lottery
Back
Tickets
Giving
Dollars
Million
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
