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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Backwards
Falling
Sky
Humor
Funny
Fall
Tipping

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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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