Quote

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Make
Nibble
Swiss
Cheese
Holes
Bigger

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
Image
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
Image
I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
Image
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
Image
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
Image
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
Image
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Image
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
Image
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
Image
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright
Image
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
Image
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
Image
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
Image
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright