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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lovers
Brought
Humor
Told
Narcissus
Everybody
Lane
Funny
Lanes
Mirror
Mirrors
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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