Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Brought
Humor
Told
Narcissus
Everybody
Lane
Funny
Lanes
Mirror
Mirrors
Lovers
More quotes by Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
