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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Brought
Humor
Told
Narcissus
Everybody
Lane
Funny
Lanes
Mirror
Mirrors
Lovers
More quotes by Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright