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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Mirrors
Lovers
Brought
Humor
Told
Narcissus
Everybody
Lane
Funny
Lanes
Mirror

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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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