Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Told
Narcissus
Everybody
Lane
Funny
Lanes
Mirror
Mirrors
Lovers
Brought
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
