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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sun
Awfully
Humor
Rises
Morning
Crowded
Funny
Empire
Must
Empires
Every
Sets
Never
British
Sky
More quotes by Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
Steven Wright
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
