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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Stairs
Legs
Couldn
Friend
Humor
Went
Funny
House
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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