Quote

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Took
Humor
Lines
Funny
Potluck
White
Cake
Made
Chocolate
Stood
Line

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright