Quote

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Potluck
White
Cake
Made
Chocolate
Stood
Line
Took
Humor
Lines

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright