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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rooms
Concerts
Wants
Lights
Funny
Match
Around
Incredible
Light
Throw
Like
Sex
Room
Frisbee
Humor
Concert
More quotes by Steven Wright
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright