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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rooms
Concerts
Wants
Lights
Funny
Match
Around
Incredible
Light
Throw
Like
Sex
Room
Frisbee
Humor
Concert
More quotes by Steven Wright
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
