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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Concert
Rooms
Concerts
Wants
Lights
Funny
Match
Around
Incredible
Light
Throw
Like
Sex
Room
Frisbee
More quotes by Steven Wright
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright