Quote

Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Wants
Lights
Funny
Match
Around
Incredible
Light
Throw
Like
Sex
Room
Frisbee
Humor
Concert
Rooms
Concerts

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright