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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Around
Asked
Drove
Home
Late
Cop
Right
Humor
Pulled
Started
Officers
Came
Keys
Funny
Car
Unlock
House
Tried
Speeding
Night
Lived
Officer

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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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