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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Car
Unlock
House
Tried
Speeding
Night
Lived
Officer
Around
Asked
Drove
Home
Late
Cop
Right
Humor
Pulled
Started
Officers
Came
Keys

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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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