Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Waiting
Funny
Fax
Machine
Machines
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
I took a baby shower.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright