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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Machine
Machines
Humor
Waiting
Funny
Fax

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright