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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sent
Birthday
Sister
Singing
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright