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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Lawyers
Electrician
Tree
Depressed
Cowboys
Funny
Dry
Deranged
Doesn
Musicians
Clergymen
Lawyer
Cleaners
Models
Surgeons
Musician
Cowboy
Electricians
Follow
Delighted
Deposed

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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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