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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Lawyer
Cleaners
Models
Surgeons
Musician
Cowboy
Electricians
Follow
Delighted
Deposed
Humor
Lawyers
Electrician
Tree
Depressed
Cowboys
Funny
Dry
Deranged
Doesn
Musicians
Clergymen

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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
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Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
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