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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Doesn
Musicians
Clergymen
Lawyer
Cleaners
Models
Surgeons
Musician
Cowboy
Electricians
Follow
Delighted
Deposed
Humor
Lawyers
Electrician
Tree
Depressed
Cowboys
Funny
Dry
Deranged
More quotes by Steven Wright
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
