Quote

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Doesn
Musicians
Clergymen
Lawyer
Cleaners
Models
Surgeons
Musician
Cowboy
Electricians
Follow
Delighted
Deposed
Humor
Lawyers
Electrician
Tree
Depressed
Cowboys
Funny
Dry
Deranged

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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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What do batteries run on?
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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