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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Models
Surgeons
Musician
Cowboy
Electricians
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Delighted
Deposed
Humor
Lawyers
Electrician
Tree
Depressed
Cowboys
Funny
Dry
Deranged
Doesn
Musicians
Clergymen
Lawyer
Cleaners
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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What a nice night for an evening.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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