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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pronounced
Number
Humor
Numbers
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Steven Wright
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
Steven Wright
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright