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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pronounced
Number
Humor
Numbers
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright