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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Numbers
Funny
Pronounced
Number
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Steven Wright
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
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What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright