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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
People
Poles
Holland
Poland
Holes
Aren
Humor
Called
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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