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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Called
Funny
People
Poles
Holland
Poland
Holes
Aren
More quotes by Steven Wright
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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