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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Called
Funny
People
Poles
Holland
Poland
Holes
Aren
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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