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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Use
Towels
Bath
Baths
Wash
Clean
Aren
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright