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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Clean
Aren
Humor
Funny
Use
Towels
Bath
Baths
Wash

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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright