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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Aren
Humor
Funny
Use
Towels
Bath
Baths
Wash
Clean

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, Right here, officer.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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