Quote

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Juice
Contains
Ingredients
Artificial
Mostly
Humor
Lemon
Funny
Lemons
Real
Liquid

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
Image
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
Steven Wright
Image
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright
Image
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
Image
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Image
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
Image
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
Image
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Steven Wright
Image
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
Image
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Image
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
Image
Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
Image
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
Image
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
Image
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Image
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Image
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
Image
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright