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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Doors
Humor
Open
Funny
Ajar
Jars
Door
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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