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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Doors
Humor
Open
Funny
Ajar
Jars
Door
More quotes by Steven Wright
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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