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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Scientists
Scientist
Research
Humor
Call
Looking
Funny
Something
More quotes by Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Steven Wright
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
